By the time the horrific abuses perpetrated by men affiliated with the House of Cadifor finally led to any criminal charges, both the police and many people in BDSM/kink communities had been aware of ongoing abuse and did not take any action for years. Some lacked the awareness and skills to respond. Some endorsed approaches to BDSM/kink that promoted patriarchal sexism and misogyny. Some did attempt to intervene, but were not listened to by the police or were discouraged by other community members. In addition, coercive control is legal in NSW. Women who remain at Cadifor continue to be subjected to degrading treatment. Regardless of ‘why’ this travesty happened, we can and need to do better on the ‘how’ if we wish to support people in building and maintaining caring and sustainable BDSM/kink communities. Unfortunately, the Domestic Violence (DV)/Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) sector often pathologises, stigmatises, and excludes people merely for being involved in BDSM/kink relationships. This means people are not provided with models for consensual, mutually respectful BDSM/kink relationships in DV/IPV prevention education and people experiencing partner violence in BDSM/kink relationships often feel unable or unsafe to engage with existing DV/IPV support services. We will address common myths and stereotypes in the DV/IPV sector about BDSM/kink relationships, discuss best practice guidelines on distinguishing between BDSM/kink and abuse, and share a range of strategies that BDSM/kink communities around the world have used to reduce IPV. We will also highlight the unique knowledge and skills needed to address coercive control dynamics, consent violations, and other forms of abuse within BDSM/kink relationships. We will cover how the language and practices of ethical BDSM/kink can be weaponised into tools of abuse and coercion. We will then explore accessible and effective community mechanisms for addressing this problem. Our approach is community-informed, trauma-informed, evidence-based, and draws on a combination of professional and personal lived experience.