Raised in a dominantly English speaking home and educated through mainstream schooling all my life and who only ever knew one marae growing up. In highschool I lost myself completely, year 13 I struggled to know where I belonged. I was in a dark place. I lost my purpose, my being, myself. I had no drive, I had no sense of belonging, I was empty. In 2020 trying to navigate this thing called life, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, trying different medication to help me sleep or settle but personally for me, it just was not the solution. My mental, emotional, spiritual and even physical crumbled. In 2021, I was still struggling trying my best everyday to put foot in front of the other, so low ALL the time, feel worthless ALL the time, feel like everything was my fault ALL the time, feel pathetic ALL the time. In 2022, it was the year I was turning 21 – I set myself a goal and that was “to find my sense of belonging” and it hit me, I don’t know who I am. I know my name, I know I am a daughter, a sister, an aunty, a friend etc... but who am I did so much self development in that area of finding my identity within my culture, that I would emerge myself more into my whakapapa and Te Ao Māori, Most of all, I would HEAL.
In 2023, Christmas, I went home to where my mother is from and I learnt so much. So much healing had been done over that time, 2024 me feeling so grounded with her sense of belonging I am in a much better place mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically now than before, that no pill would have given me.