This presentation explores the often-unseen aftermath of domestic abuse — the coercive control that lingers long after separation, and the systemic retraumatisation survivors face when seeking safety, justice, and support. While many services focus on immediate crisis response, the real battle for survivors often begins when they engage with systems designed to protect — but which instead perpetuate harm through bureaucracy, bias, and inconsistency.

Through the dual lens of a former NSW Police Senior Sergeant and a lived-experience advocate, I offer a rare and candid insight into how institutional practices and practitioner assumptions can unintentionally replicate the very dynamics of control they are meant to dismantle. I speak not only from a professional standpoint but from my personal experience navigating the Family Court, child protection, NDIS, Centrelink, housing, and mental health systems while raising three neurodivergent children in the wake of abuse and chronic illness.

This session bridges the disconnect between survivor realities and systemic expectations. It shines a light on the compounding effects of post-separation abuse, weaponised processes, mislabelling of neurodivergent behaviours, and the structural neglect of complex needs. I unpack the “invisible load” survivors carry — emotional, legal, financial, and practical — and how they are often misjudged, overlooked, or punished for their attempts to survive.

Attendees will leave with a deeper understanding of how to engage with survivors through a trauma-informed, inclusive, and collaborative lens. Real-world examples, survivor-led strategies, and accessible language will be shared to help professionals and peers advocate more effectively and avoid unintended harm.

Ultimately, this presentation is a call to action: to shift from reactive responses to systemic, survivor-informed reform — where lived experience is not only heard but truly leads.